


Come With Me, Please (My Angel)

by arawen898



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Awkward First Times, Awkward Sexual Situations, Ben is a fast learner, Better second time, Blow Jobs, Cunnilingus, Enemies to Lovers, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, Lightsaber Battles, Loss of Virginity, Oral Sex, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Romance, Shower Sex, Smut, Tags Contain Spoilers, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, Virgin Ben Solo, Virgin Kylo Ren, Virgin Rey (Star Wars), minor fluff, tags are in no particular order
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:34:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 22,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26633692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arawen898/pseuds/arawen898
Summary: “Do you really not know, or do you just pretend not to know?” He paused and took a deep, shaky breath, dropping his helmet to the ground. “I still have feelings for you, Rey.”Ben and Rey meet up on the planet Arbra after not hearing from each other since Crait. They argue and fight before admitting their true feelings and a saber fight instead turns into hot (and slightly awkward) expressions of love. Set after TLJ.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 23
Kudos: 149





	1. Chapter 1

Rey stood and waited in a meadow in the forest on the planet Arbra in the Outer Rim. She had only just arrived but already started tapping her foot and move about out of impatience. The reason for her being here was that she was meeting someone. That 'someone' wasn’t just anyone. That 'someone' was no other than Kylo Ren. 

It had been roughly nine months since the events on Crait, when Luke Skywalker sacrificed himself and passed on to the Force. That was also the last time Rey and Kylo had been remotely close to each other. After that, when she thought he wanted nothing but her joining the First Order and he had seen her shut the door on him, they hadn’t spoken to each other or even tried to reach out to each other at all. Not until one week ago. 

It was Kylo that had reached out, in her sleep when her mind was open and her guards down. He didn’t say much, only that he wanted to meet up with her and that it was important. His face was covered with his mask and when she had seen it she was convinced that Kylo Ren was back and Ben Solo was only a memory albeit maybe a temporary one. Rey had reluctantly agreed to see him, still angry with him but a small part of her also looked forward to it. She wanted to hate him and she did, but whether she actually hated _him_ or simply hated the things he had done, she didn’t know. It made her confused and hopefully her meeting with him would bring some answers to that. No matter her feelings and no matter how long that had passed since when they last saw each other, she couldn’t help but still hoping that he would turn back to the light one day. That he was still redeemable. 

Finn and Poe had of course volunteered to come with her, especially Finn who absolutely didn’t want her to be close to Kylo Ren again. But both Rey and general Organa knew that this was something Rey had to do on her own. Leia wasn’t oblivious to whatever feelings Rey harbored for her son and she knew Kylo well enough to know that more people from the Resistance would make him reluctant to talk or even worse, make him act out in bad ways.

His command shuttle appeared in the grey sky, like a giant black bird and hadn’t Rey known better she would’ve thought it was built solely for the purpose to scare people. She felt her heart beat extra hard at the sight of it, both from fear and from excitement. She also felt his presence, like a vibration in the air and it touched her skin causing it to prickle. The closer the shuttle came, the bigger it became and he landed not far away from her. Not long after the engines had turned off, the ramp fell down and then she saw him. 

He was standing at the top of the ramp, starting to walk down in long strides. He was wearing his helmet, his usual tunic, pants and boots and now also a cape. When he had walked all the way down, he flicked his fingers and the ramp shut again. Rey stood still with her hands together in front of her, her head high and her face stern as he walked towards her and stopped maybe seven meters away from her. 

“So we meet again, scavenger.” He finally said, his voice distorted from the helmet. 

“So it appears, Supreme Leader.” She spat out in an almost mocking tone. 

He didn't respond to that but leaned his head to the right, as if he was inspecting her. 

“You’re wearing different clothes.” He said, taking in her new white wardrobe. “They look good on you.” 

“And your mask is back.” She stated, not caring to say 'thank you' to his compliment. 

He ignored her words and instead decided to ask her if anyone she knew, knew about this, their meeting. 

“Do any of your friends know where you are?” 

“My friends and your mother know that I have gone to meet you, but not where. Both Leia and I knew that whatever this is about, it is something only the two of us have to take care of. What about your...companions?” 

“They don’t know where I am. I simply told them I needed time away to reflect upon a few things. Luckily they are easily fooled. I have disabled the tracker, and the comms.” 

He changed the subject when he saw something familiar stuck to Rey’s belt. 

“Skywalker’s saber, did you mend it?” 

“Maybe I did. Why do you care?” 

“Why do I care? Because like I told you before, it belongs to me. It belonged to my grandfather before me and now I should have it.” 

Rey strode a bit to her left, him following her so that they circled each other. 

“Really? I thought you didn’t want anything to do with your family. Isn't the First Order your priority now, _Ben_?” 

His breathing turned loud and she was sure he was fuming under his mask. He lifted his finger towards her and spoke in a hissing manner. 

“Don’t...speak...that name. Ben Solo is dead.” 

“That’s what you want me, and mostly yourself, to believe. Ben Solo is very much alive, and he is standing right in front of me. You can never run away from your past, just like I can never run away from mine.” 

They didn’t stop circling, watching each other intently for any signs of unexpected movements to surprise the other. 

“Ben Solo would never kill Han Solo, the man who was supposed to be his father. The man who was supposed to be there for him.” 

He stilled and Rey did the same. She could swear she heard his voice break a little, but she didn’t have time to reflect on it before he spoke again. 

“I can’t go back, Rey. What is done is done. I cannot go back to my mother either. It is lost, I am lost. You have to understand that. I am beyond saving. Don't try to save something when there is nothing left to save.” 

“Ben, please...” 

Even if it was impossible to touch him from this distance and her mind told her not to, she couldn’t help but reach out her hand towards him. There was no Kylo for her now, only Ben, and saying his name felt more natural than it should be. 

“Enough! I don’t need your pity when I know there is no hope for me.” He growled before bending down, placing his hands on his knees and huffing. He knew this meeting would make cause a tornado of emotions but when they happened he still wasn’t prepared. 

When he had taken a few deep breaths and recovered, he rose again and seemed even taller than before, looming over her although they didn’t stand close. 

“Those who you call friends, you know they will only want your power and abandon you when you need them the most right?” 

Tears welled up in her eyes and she reached for her saber and released it from her belt. “Stop it. My friends will not abandon me.” Her pity for him now turned into anger. 

”Maybe not them, but all your other allies. What are you going to do if you lose and they leave you, wondering why you couldn’t save them with your Force powers?” 

“They don’t know about those powers yet.” 

“Oh but they will, as soon as the next battle starts.” 

Rey felt her control slip, she pushed the button and ignited her saber. “The Resistance will win, and the First Order will lose. With or without my powers.” She gritted out, not willing to lose this battle between them. 

Ben widened his stance, as if preparing himself for an attack. “This war won’t have _any_ winners, Rey. Only losers. There will be nothing but bloodshed, and lots of it. Even we might not survive. Which is why I want to tell you...” 

He didn’t have the time to finish before Rey couldn’t take it anymore. Hearing him talk about the war and how lots of people, even innocent, would be killed was too much for her to hear. Too many people had lost their lives at the hands of the First Order already and she couldn’t handle the fact that it would likely happen again. With a feral scream, she advanced on him with her saber above her head. He was prepared though and swiftly moved to the side. Rey slid in the humid grass and almost tumbled over, giving Ben just enough time to release his own saber from his belt and ignite it. When Rey got her balance back she came for him again but he was quick to block it. Rey continued attacking him with a series of blows but Ben paraded each one, backing as she refused to give up. They didn’t say anything, only grunting and screaming when using their weapons, no awareness of their surroundings as they went deeper into the forest. 

The characteristic sound of lightsabers clashing together echoed through the forest as they fought, or rather as Rey tried to fight Ben but he was barely reciprocating. Sometimes they would hit twigs and bushes but neither caught fire thanks to the dampness that covered them. Rey was getting tired now, her style of fighting not exactly being one of strategy but more guided, or rather controlled, by her emotions. Ben noticed this and when the next blow hit his saber, he pushed back with a bit more force than before making Rey almost stumble backward in surprise. This was the opportunity Ben had been waiting for. When Rey had gained her footing and hit his saber again, he used her tiredness and hit back with even more force and knocked the saber from her hands. This time, Rey fell to the ground with a shriek and landed on her backside. When she tried to reach for her saber that had landed next to her Ben was quicker and placed his boot on it, trapping it. Rey had no chance to reach it and she leaned back again, breathing heavily as she watched him in defeat. Ben didn’t move, he only stood still looking back down at her, holding his red crackling saber to his side. When he didn’t say anything, Rey sneered up towards him and bared her teeth. 

“Do it, kill me then.” 

She raised her chin, exposing her throat and inviting him to end it there and then. Suddenly he extinguished his saber and put it back to his belt, still standing on her saber in case she would try to grab it again. 

“No.” 

Rey blinked and frowned, confused. 

“What do you mean “no”? Isn't this what you wanted, after I left on Crait? Now you have the chance.” 

“No!” 

A couple of tears left Rey’s eyes before she managed to hold back the rest. What did he want from her? If he clearly wanted to kill her then at least she would’ve had an answer. He has had feelings for her before, of that she was certain, but what about now? She didn’t dare to reach out to his mind because she was too scared of knowing the answer. Slowly, she stood on her feet and winced at the aching muscles in her body, watching him the whole time. Even if he had his helmet on she thought she could feel his gaze on her and she kept her eyes at level with it the whole time. 

“You honestly think I could kill you? After everything we have shared together, been through together? I could never kill you, Rey.” 

He raised his hands then, grabbed his helmet, unlocked it and lifted it off his head. What was revealed made Rey catch her breath. His black hair was longer than the last time they had seen each other, it almost reached his shoulders now. He was also paler, making the scar she had left on his face even more prominent and dark circles had formed under his eyes. He looked rough, like he hadn’t gotten much sleep lately, but still youthful and, just like before, incredibly beautiful. 

“Then why did you want me to come here, if it wasn’t to have the chance to kill me? What do you want from me?” She said hoarsely, tears flowing freely down her cheeks now both as a result of frustration and the range of emotions she felt thanks to seeing his face again. 

Thunder was heard in the distance, indicating that a storm was nearby and dark clouds had gathered above them. The wind picked up as well and caused Ben’s long hair to sweep around his neck. His mouth formed a thin line and his eyes bore into hers as he took a couple of long strides towards her. 

“Do you really not know, or do you just pretend not to know?” He paused and took a deep, shaky breath, dropping his helmet to the ground. “I still have feelings for you, Rey.” 

It was almost like a blaster shot had hit her in the stomach, but the shot turned into a swarm of butterflies instead of a hurtful wound. No matter how much she tried to repress the feeling, she couldn’t and especially not when she heard his natural dark and smooth voice instead of his distorted masked one. 

“You, you still have feelings for me?” The words came out in a stutter and not as confident as she wanted them to. 

“Yes, Rey. I have had many dreams about you since we met, but I had one particular dream about us one month ago. After that dream, I realized I had to see you again. My longing for you was too big. I can feel you have longed for me too. I know I said there is no hope for me, but I wanted you to know and maybe, just maybe, you could learn to feel the same as I do."

She turned away from him then, she couldn’t allow him to see her. Couldn't allow him to see that he was right about her missing him and having feelings for him, she didn’t want to give him that power. He didn’t stop talking though, his following words feeling like they penetrated her very soul. 

“You’re using your anger as a shield, as a cover for your real emotions. You know you can’t hide from me Rey. When your mind is open like it is now, I don’t even need to try to look into it.” 

He took one big step forward and when she felt the warmth of him from behind, she turned around again. He put his hands on her shoulders then and she elevated them for a second but then allowed them to release again. His grip wasn’t hard but rather a reaffirmation that he was there and the feeling of those leather-clad gloves against her skin made her inhale sharply. 

“Please Rey, stop trying to hide from me, stop trying to run away. Be the strong woman I know you can be, the woman who is not afraid to show how she really feels, the woman who is not afraid to love.” 

It started with his lip, then his chin, and suddenly his whole face was twitching and trembling while his dark eyes never left hers. He was practically begging her, his tone similar to his 'Please?' after them defeating Snoke in the throne room. Those words of his and the sincerity behind them, the buzzing of the Force surrounding them both, his proximity and all the feelings attached to it was what finally broke the dam. Rey started crying, shutting her eyes tightly and loud sobs shook her body while her hands grabbed the thick fabric of his tunic. She felt like she was in emotional turmoil and desperately needed to hold on to him to steady herself. It felt so good, so good to finally let go of everything and she knew that with Ben she could be open about everything. No other person knew her as well as he did and he would not belittle her for crying or shouting or losing her temper, in fact he had already encouraged it. With a newfound need to be held, she threw her arms around his shoulders and hugged him tightly to her, his thick robes both cushioning her and absorbing her tears that fell freely.

Ben’s arms embraced her back and he hugged her in return, hesitating for a second out of fear of crushing her but mostly because he hadn’t been hugged since he was a small child. When Rey fell deeper into his arms he relaxed a bit and put his lips to her ear. 

“I am here. I am not leaving you. Let it all out.” 

Rey continued sobbing and hiccuping into Ben’s shoulder, the fabric of his clothes stifling her cries. She had never felt so relieved before, it was like a massive weight had been lifted from her body and soul. But there was yet another thing nagging her mind. 

“You still fought me today, why did you do that if you have feelings for me?” She asked, her face still buried in his shoulder which made her words sound muffled but Ben heard them clearly. 

“How else would I make you listen? Besides, I basically only defended myself. I only wanted to knock the saber out of your hands and that’s it. I never had the intention of hurting you Rey, I still don’t and I never will.” 

His mouth was at her hair now, only grazing it but still very much present and his voice felt calming and healing, like it was putting the shards of her broken soul back together. Somehow, Rey knew he meant what he said. She knew he was a man that was true to his word, one of the few things about him she knew for certain. 

The sky had grown darker and another roll of thunder was heard, it was closer now but no lightning as of yet. When Rey felt that she had no tears left, she unfolded her arms and stepped back a bit but she still kept her palms on his chest. Ben had dropped his arms from her completely and he looked like he was waiting for something. His eyes flickered all over her face, lingering on her lips before meeting her eyes again. Rey took a deep breath and shivered. He smelled wonderful; soap mixed with sweat and on top of it all, the incredibly intoxicating scent of leather. Her lips parted slightly and her eyes shifted focus from his to the small crease in the middle of his bottom lip. His mouth looked so inviting, red and plump and parted just like hers. Without thinking, she inched closer and closer. 

Then, she kissed him; her very first kiss. Or well, not her very first, but her first one with her consent. She pressed her lips hard to his and at first he seemed a bit shocked, stiffening and keeping completely still, he wasn’t even breathing. It only took him a few moments though to respond, cautiously moving his lips against hers and leaning his head to the side to gain better access while tentatively placing his hands on her hips. Rey tried to follow his lead the best she could, wondering if he had kissed anyone before since he seemed better at this than her. Neither seemed to notice the raindrops that now fell from the sky, all they could focus on was the soft and warm feelings they both experienced as they melted into the kiss. 

His lips were just as soft as they looked, and Rey sighed as she moved her fingers up Ben’s neck to his hair. She grasped the thick strands, her curiosity about how that hair would feel between her fingers finally sated. Ben groaned in surprise and broke the kiss. They both panted and looked into each other’s eyes, Rey still keeping her fingers in Ben’s curls and he kept holding her hips. 

“Rey...” He leaned in, his forehead touching hers and his hot breath washing over her face. “Can you feel it? What it is between us?” 

A sudden desire came over Rey, a desire she had never felt before. A desire where she needed to see him and also feel him, all of him, without all those layers of clothing he wore. Her body turned hot and she felt a pull in her lower abdomen which made her gravitate towards him and press herself even closer. As much as it excited her it also scared her. It was something that felt so foreign and yet so natural and it was the part that felt natural that scared her. If things hadn’t been clear before, then they certainly were now. Rey was in love, she was undeniably in love with Ben Solo. 

“Yes, yes I can feel it.” 

She _shouldn’t_ feel like this, he was the enemy and they were supposed to be fighting. But her finally admitting to herself that she was in love with Ben made her start crying again. She kissed him again, whimpering and her hands clutched his collar hard, pulling him down to her level. Ben hugged her tight and this time they both stood still, not moving until Rey broke the kiss. Her firm grip on his collar remained, great sobs wracked her body and tears streamed down her face. Ben’s whole face twitched again and his hard grip on her hips mirrored her own. 

“Rey, if there is anything you want from me then tell me. Be it me staying here with you or me leaving you in peace, I will give it to you.” 

For Rey there was no choice any longer, it was as clear as the vision she had of Ben when they had touched hands through the Force and she had seen him turn to the light. She looked at him through misty eyes. 

“I want Ben back.” She rasped. “ _My_ Ben. The real Ben who I know is in there somewhere.” 

For every sob, one bit of tension left her. Ben was crying now too, unable to hold up the mental shield he had put around himself for so long. The rain fell heavier on them now. The thunder couldn’t be heard any longer and the wind had died down. It was just them, the forest and the rain. 

“And you have him. You have me.” 

Instinct then overcame thought as Ben captured Rey’s lips with his, brought his hands up and cradled her head and with his body pushed her backward, backing her up against a tree. She gasped slightly with pain and Ben took the opportunity to graze her lips with his tongue, carefully asking for permission to take this kiss to the next level. Rey’s tongue met his and they both moaned. Ben had kissed a few people in his life but never open-mouthed like this. Judging by the sounds she made and the way she kissed him back, clearly inexperienced too but with great passion, he seemed to be doing just fine.

As Rey once more put her hand in his hair he felt himself grow hard between his legs and he cursed himself inwardly, hoping she wouldn’t shove him away when she felt it. It wasn’t the first time he was hard in Rey’s presence, only never this hard unless he had been dreaming about her or them together and had woken up with a great erection. But then, they had never been this near each other and the only barrier between them now was their clothes. 

Moving his hands from her wet strands to her back he shielded her a bit from the tree and instead pressed her against him. He was certain she would feel his arousal now and while it embarrassed him before, it now turned him on knowing she would and he growled as he tilted his head more to the side to further deepen their kisses. 

Rey couldn’t stop kissing Ben. Many times, more times than she would like to admit, she had wondered what it would feel like having those lips of his against hers. So far they certainly didn’t disappoint. It all felt so good! Granted, she had never kissed anyone before willingly so she didn’t have anything to compare with but she doubted something would ever get near this. He tasted just as good as he smelled, musky and in a way dark yet sweet and with a hint of salt from both’s tears. She felt the bark of the tree against her upper back but Ben’s large hands on the small of her back and her own hands in his soft hair soothed the small pain. Those weren’t the only things she felt though. Something was poking her belly and her eyes opened wide when she realized what it was. A wetness formed between her legs then, warm and slick compared to the cold rain that was pouring down on them now. The only thing keeping them warm right now was their physical contact and the heated feelings that bloomed within them both. 

Ben's heart was beating furiously in his chest. When he went here, he would never have imagined that he would kiss the love of his life passionately against a tree in a downpour and after a fight at that. They were both lost in their kisses when Rey pressed her lower stomach into his and started to rub herself against him. The move was so unexpected that Ben pulled away from her lips in surprise. They were thoroughly soaked, their hair glued to their heads just like the inner layer of their clothes. Ben suddenly felt guilty. What had he been thinking? Had they continued then who knows what would’ve happened against that tree and even if Rey was a willing participant he would never have forgiven himself. Rey deserved something better, _someone_ better. Someone who wasn’t selfish and who didn’t risk her falling ill. 

They had to seek protection from the foul weather. Both were shivering, the heat of their union now having left them. They both looked up and then at each other again, it was clear the rain wasn’t going to stop any time soon. Ben let go of her, immediately feeling as if something vital had been ripped away from him but he tried to repress it, it was more important to get back to his ship as soon as possible. 

“Let’s go to my shuttle.” 

With those words he took off in the opposite direction without looking back at her, leaving her standing with her mind blank. She felt unable to move and it was not because of him using his Force powers on her. 

_What in the kriff had just happened?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh-oh!
> 
>   
> Thank you all for reading this first chapter! As to why the turn (no pun intended) of events at the end, we all know Ben isn't the best person at communication. Don't worry, it will get better in the next chapters :) Kudos and comments are much appreciated!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, thanks to all who have left kudos and commented on the first chapter! I have corrected a few grammar errors in the first chapter using Grammarly and I am going to use it in the future too when I write, hopefully it makes a good difference. 
> 
> Just a little heads-up for this second chapter. It is supposed to be more awkward than sexy so it's good to have that in mind when you read it. In a perfect world it's a good combination of the two but that is up to you readers to decide😊
> 
> Alright, our (or at least my) favorite space virgins are entering NSFW territory now. Enjoy the read!

For a second Rey wondered what he was doing, why he had just turned around without looking back at her. When she came back to her senses she followed him and managed to catch up with him, picking up her discarded saber and also his helmet on the way. Ben didn’t look back until they had reached the shuttle and with a quick flick of his fingers he opened it so they could walk up the ramp. Once inside and with the ramp shut, she walked to stand in front of him. She held out his helmet, the helmet that had worked as a mask in so many ways, not just as a way to hide his face. He looked at it and swallowed before he reluctantly took it from her. 

“Thanks.” He muttered before walking forward to a door. He pushed a button and the door opened. He went inside and picked out some dry clothes both for himself and for Rey. They would clearly be too large for her but he wouldn’t let her freeze and wear wet clothes. 

Rey took a moment to look around, behind her was the control panel used to steer and maneuver the ship. Over to the right was a bunk with grey bedclothes and built into it was a small table. The bunk was certainly big enough for two people but she guessed Ben had required it because of his size and not because he ever expected company. The thought caused a moment of sadness to wash over Rey before Ben came back to her with a pile of clothes, his boots and cape leaving dripping wet traces after him. 

“We need to get out of these wet clothes right away. I have some clothes here that you can borrow, they are most likely too big for you but it’s the only ones I can offer.” 

The tone of his voice had changed to a clinical and plain one, like he was devoid of emotions. Rey wondered what had happened, did he regret their passionate moments in the rain? 

“I’ll go to the ‘fresher, I will be out soon.” 

He then went to a door in the back of the shuttle near his bed. With the press of a button next to it the door opened and he disappeared behind it before it closed again. Rey looked at the clothes in her arms and thought it best to start to changing right away. The thought of wearing Ben’s clothes made her heart beat extra hard. She brought them to her face and inhaled their fresh scent before dropping them carefully to the floor and beginning to take off her shoes. 

Rey was in the process of undressing and dropped her shirt and tunic, which made a flopping sound as they hit the floor. Ben came out from the ‘fresher having quickly changed into dry clothes and was met with the sight of Rey’s bare back. He stilled and caught himself staring before he made a sound in his throat, both to attract her attention and to keep himself grounded. When she heard him she turned to face him. 

“Ben! I didn’t hear you at first.” 

She saw him staring at her and that’s when she became aware that she was basically only half-dressed. Had it been another man she would hold her arms up to cover herself, but here she felt strangely comfortable and she had seen him half-naked once, it was only fair that he got to see her too. He had changed into a long-sleeved, dark grey sweater that hung loosely about him and a pair of dark grey, tight pants that fitted him perfectly. Rey caught herself staring too and it wasn’t until Ben cleared his throat again that she paid attention to his face again. 

“You can go inside the ‘fresher and change. I'll have a washing droid take care of our clothes later.” 

He was still talking to her like she was just any person and that was it, Rey couldn’t handle his complete change of behavior any longer. She needed answers and she needed them now. She stepped closer to him and crossed her arms across her chest but not with the intention to cover herself. 

“Ben, what is going on?” 

Ben’s face was down and his hands were clasped together in front of him. It was intentional, he didn’t want her to see the growing bulge in his pants caused only by seeing her beautiful torso. His priorities for now were survival and not giving in to his desires but his body didn’t agree. When she spoke, his face shot up and he tried to appear unaffected. 

“What do you mean?” 

“Why are you acting like what happened out there actually never happened? Why are you suddenly treating me like I am no more than one of your stormtroopers?” 

She knew it was an exaggeration but it was how it felt. Ben turned his head to the side, his hands still clasped in front of him. After a few moments he looked back at her, his throat bobbing as he swallowed. 

“I shouldn’t have done what I did, I shouldn’t have kissed you like that. I should’ve been more careful about my impulses.” 

Rey was getting angry now. “Are you saying that you regret our kisses?” 

“No, no! That’s not what I meant.” He held out his hands in front of him, palms to Rey, in a defensive stance. “What I meant is that I wouldn’t want to do anything that you, and we, weren’t ready for.” 

“But I really thought you wanted to…to…” 

She was blushing and she felt her face and the back of her neck turn hot. Her nipples strained against the wet fabric of her breastband and there was a tingle at the apex of her thighs, causing her to rub her legs together. 

“What? Wanted what?” 

“Nothing, I’m sorry…I…” 

Rey began to turn around but Ben grabbed her naked shoulder. 

“Wanted what, Rey? Tell me.” 

Not being able to express herself in words, she showed him images of what she wanted; them making love and kissing combined with moaning in pleasure. Rey blushed even harder as she did this, it was the first time she had ever shared her sexual fantasies with anyone and when Ben saw those images his eyes widened and he backed away from her. 

“Rey, I, we…we can’t do that. Not now.” 

Ben was stuttering and Rey knew he was lying to himself. There was no trace left of Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, only the young boy Ben Solo who appeared to never have been more nervous in his life than he was now. 

“Yes Ben, yes we can. I felt you out there, I felt you against me and I know you want it too.” 

It was Ben’s turn to blush, both because she was right and because his body never lied about what it wanted, what _he_ wanted. 

“We still can’t.” 

He straightened and tried to stand his ground but his eyes flickered when he said it. The right corner of Rey’s mouth turned upwards because it was almost amusing to see him lie to himself like this, the feeling of amusement mixing with a feeling of want that didn’t seem to lessen. Rey went up to him, reached up and touched his cheek. When he didn’t retreat from her touch she cupped him fully. 

“Ben, since we both obviously want it then what could possibly happen?” 

Ben’s nostrils flared and he shook, gritting his teeth as he withdrew and tried not to stare at her still clothed breasts. “What could possibly happen? I might hurt you pretty badly, that’s what ‘could possibly happen’. And you might get…get…” 

He pointed awkwardly towards Rey’s stomach and her blush intensified once more. She had never seen this side of him and one year ago she would never have guessed that such a side of him existed; so uncertain, shy and even worried. It made her feelings for him bloom even more. 

“Pregnant? Not possible, I have an IUD. Also, you will not hurt me, not if we take our time.” She stepped closer again and took his hand in her free one, caressing his fingers with her thumb. 

Ben took a deep breath, relaxing a little at her touch. He wanted this so much, he wanted _Rey_ so much. But she was so precious to him, even if they did take their time he could still easily hurt her because of his lack of experience alone. 

“Rey, there is another thing.” He looked down on his big sock-clad feet as if to hide his face. “I have never done any of this before. I know it might sound surprising since I am ten years older than you, but I have never really wanted to before I met you and even if I would’ve wanted to, Snoke would forbid me since the training under him was so strict. Especially mine since I was the one he wanted to be his best pupil because of my abilities and my powers.” 

A shudder moved through him and he closed his eyes tightly as several terrible memories from his time under Snoke flared up in his mind. Rey smiled at him compassionately even if he still couldn’t see it because his eyes were averted down, their hands still connected. 

“Oh Ben, do you think I have done something even remotely close to this before? I have never really wanted to either, not until I met you. I have tried to deny my desire for you, tried to repress it, but it has been there for so long now and it won’t go away. I am in love with you, and I know you're in love with me too.” 

Ben’s eyes shot up to hers again. The words themselves that they were in love with each other were not a surprise to him, but to actually _hear_ them from her affected him deeply. 

“I know it might hurt, but you won’t actually _hurt me_ , Ben. You even said so before, remember? And I trust you on that.” 

She brought his hand up to her lips and placed a kiss on his fingers, now free from the leather gloves and it occurred to her that this was the first time she had truly held his hand in hers for real. 

“I would never force you into anything you don’t want. But you should know Ben, that you have my consent. I want this, I truly do.” 

Rey then brought their joined hands down to right under her left breast, releasing him and letting him hover over her skin. She was still damp from the rain and they were both trembling, but not from the cold any longer. When Ben’s fingertips made contact with her skin and he palmed her side, her eyes fluttered shut and it felt like both the skin where he touched her and his hand was burning. 

“Kriff, Rey.” He murmured as he stepped closer, his sweater now grazing her chest and he leaned in to touch her temple with his lips. “I want you so much. To only be close to you like this is something I have only dared to dream of. Will you let me love you, and let me try to make our first time as good as possible?” 

His lips wandered down her throat, placing small kisses along the way making her gasp before he continued speaking. 

“If you say “yes” then I am yours even in the physical sense and if you say “no” then I will honor that and patiently wait for you to be ready. The choice is entirely yours.” 

His other hand came up to comb through her wet tresses and both Rey’s hands grasped his sweater at the sides. She pulled back a little and then rose on her tiptoes towards his full lips and Ben gulped. This was it, there was no turning back for him now. If this was what she wanted then he would gladly give it to her and more. 

“Yes Ben. Make me yours.” 

Ben’s eyes lit up and he smiled a toothy smile before he closed the final distance between their lips. He wasted no time in probing her mouth with his tongue, making her moan and open her mouth to reciprocate. She cupped his face with both her hands and felt a slight stubble, she immediately decided that she liked the raspy feeling of it and smiled through the kiss. Despite her only wearing her breast band, leggings, arm wraps, underwear and socks right now she felt far too overdressed for the occasion and slowly broke the kiss, sucking his bottom lip into her mouth for finish. 

_I am going to take off my clothes now._

_Please!_

Stepping away, she kept her eyes on his as she began to take off the rest of her clothes. She began with her socks, then moved to her leggings and when those were discarded she stood before him in nothing but her undergarments and wraps. He was still looking at her intently, eyes getting bigger when they raked over her body. Her hands began to shake slightly when she untied her breastband and let it fall in front of her before she broke eye contact to take off her wraps and then her panties. When she was finished, she stood straight and looked at him again. Ben was breathing hard, his eyes looking like they were going to pop out of his face. 

“Ben?” She asked, suddenly feeling scared because he didn’t move and didn’t say anything. 

Ben seemed to break out of his spell, shaking his head as if he couldn’t believe what was in front of him. 

“Force, Rey. You are beautiful!” He choked, his eyes watering both because of him staring and because of the beauty standing before him. 

Rey grew hot under his gaze and her own eyes watered as well. Before she thought she was going to pass out because of nervousness bit now she felt like a heavy weight was lifted from her chest. 

“Thank you.” She managed and smiled timidly, not being able to say anything more because she was so flustered. 

She was suddenly happy that she had shaven her legs and armpits the day before. That was something Rose had taught her only a couple of months prior. Rey had never thought about it on Jakku when she had only cared about getting enough rations for the day and waiting for her parents to come back. The first time she did it, it had felt weird. But she liked the smooth feeling afterward and decided to keep up with it. She had also found out that sometimes, women shaved off the hair on their private parts too to impress their partners. What if Ben wouldn’t like her having hair down below? She knew he had never been with other women, but that didn’t mean he hadn’t actually _seen_ other women. 

“So, does this mean you don’t mind this either?” She gestured towards the hair at the juncture of her thighs. 

Ben shook his head and gave her an encouraging smile, though his eyes asked a question. “No, definitely not. Why would I?” 

“I-I have heard that women often shave this area to impress men. But since I have never been with anyone before and I think it seems uncomfortable to do so I never cared to do it myself. I really hope you don’t mind.” 

Ben lifted his hand to her cheek, cupping it and only his touch alone made her feel more secure. 

“Rey, no matter how you would’ve looked I would’ve liked it. As long as it’s you. Don’t ever believe that you have to change for me, okay.” 

“Okay.”   
  
There were a few moments of silence then, both waiting for the other to take the next step. When no one did, Ben opened his mouth again. 

”Can you…turn around?” 

Rey gave him a questioning look before she turned so that her back was to him. Just like before, Ben let his eyes drape over her, now over the expanse of her back and down to her hips before coming to rest on her round buttocks. He instantly wanted to touch them, to see if they felt as full as they looked, but figured that it would probably be a too forward move. Instead he walked up behind her and lifted his hands to her shoulders. Her skin was cool against his now warm hands, Rey let out a big sigh of pleasure before he moved them down her upper arms. Ben’s hands were shaking against her skin and she turned her head, kissing and nibbling his throat. 

“Ben, you’re trembling. Breathe. Just try to relax, it will be fine.” She said and brought her hand up to the back of his neck, stroking gently in a calming motion. 

Ben placed small kisses on her left shoulder and let his hands wander down her arms before settling on her hips and going up again, this time slower and Rey sensed he was debating on whether to go further up. She placed her own hands above his then, encouraging him to move up to her breasts while her mouth still was on his throat. 

“It’s okay, Ben. Don’t be afraid to touch me.” 

Ben hummed and when he finally reached her breasts, he squeezed them making Rey arch into his grip. His hands covered her whole breasts and more and he experimented with using different kinds of pressure causing Rey to moan. 

“Mmm that feels so good, Ben. So good.” 

“Yeah? You like this?” He murmured and then took her hard nipples between his fingers and tugged. Rey gasped loudly and threw her head back so that it rested against his shoulder. This increased Ben’s confidence greatly and he thought that maybe this wouldn’t go so bad after all. 

Rey’s heart was beating so fast now that it felt like her knees were going to give in hadn’t she held her arm around Ben’s neck at the moment. His hands felt so good as they kept playing with her breasts and his mouth kept wandering back and forth on her shoulder, sometimes humming small sounds of appreciation. When he tugged at her nipples again, slightly harder this time, it shot straight down to her center and she had to rub her legs together to relieve some of the pressure. She couldn’t contain herself any longer, she needed to feel his mouth on hers and feel him in her arms again. Abruptly she turned around in his grip and threw her arms around him. With a lengthy whimper she kissed him and when her bare skin pressed against the rough yet soft material of Ben’s shirt, she realized that he was far too overdressed. 

Ben was slightly taken aback by Rey turning around so quickly and kissing him, but he regained focus when she whimpered and it almost sounded like a _beg_. Could she actually be _begging_ him? His cock hardened further and he growled from deep within his chest in response. For a moment he forgot what he was doing with his hands and grabbed both her buttocks hard, feeling how their soft and plump shape more than enough filled his palms. Rey pulled away from him with a yelp and looked at him in shock. He released her just as quickly and then ran his hand through his hair nervously. 

“Kriff, I'm so sorry Rey! I must’ve lost myself there for a while. I’m so sorry, I should never have done that. I...” 

He was silenced by Rey holding her fingers to his lips. 

“Ben, please. It's alright, I just wasn’t prepared is all. Besides...” She moved her fingers down his chin, his throat, before landing in his collar and taking hold of it. “...it will be slightly difficult for us to take your clothes off if we just keep kissing.” 

Ben's mouth quirked upwards and he smirked. Taking hold of the hem of his shirt he began pulling it up, revealing more and more of his upper body to Rey’s awaiting eyes. When he had brought it over his head he threw it to the ground and then bent down to take off his socks and finally starting to unbutton his pants. His facial expression changed to a nervous one again. Rey had already seen him without a shirt before but now she was about to see him completely naked, including his cock that was now straining against the fabric of his underwear. 

Rey stood biting her lips as she watched Ben undress in front of her. He was now peeling his pants down his legs and when he was finished he rose and stood straight again, only wearing his underwear just like she had done before. Not very surprising, Ben’s underwear was black; a pair of black boxer briefs which hugged his muscular thighs, hips and bottom nicely. They appeared to be tight already before, but even more so now that his very visible erection clearly wanted to be released. 

_This is me, this is who I am, with all my scars and imperfections._

The thought fleeted between them and Rey reached out to touch him. She touched one scar on his left stomach and then leaned in and placed a lingering kiss on one on his left shoulder. 

“You’re beautiful too, Ben.” She murmured against the rough patched skin. 

She felt him hitch and when she looked up he bent down and attacked her mouth, devouring her lips and tongue to show his gratitude. 

_Thank you, thank you, thank you!_

He hugged her tightly, almost desperately, to him. It was like he had to make up for all the hugs he had missed out in his life. Not before Rey broke the kiss and gasped for air did he loosen his grip. She moved her fingers down his hard stomach to the hem of his boxers. 

“May I take these off?” 

She looked at him with such deep and innocent eyes that Ben nearly lost himself in them. 

“Yeah.” He nodded eagerly. 

Rey hooked her fingers under the waistband and after some struggle she managed to pull them down his legs. Ben stepped out of them and groaned in relief when his penis bounced free from its confines. It stood straight out from his body and pointed slightly upward. The foreskin was pulled back revealing a bulbous, purple looking head and its size made Rey gasp in fear at first. It was big, bigger than any erected penises she had seen before, and it looked like it could actually cause hurt if not handled carefully. But Rey calmed down and repeated in her head what both her and Ben had said. 

_He would never hurt you, Rey._

“Wow, it’s...it’s...big!” She exclaimed, not being able to take her eyes off it. 

Ben blushed hard and the tips of his ears felt like they were set on fire. He was well aware of his size, only that this was the first time a woman had ever pointed it out. It was even the first time a woman who wasn’t med staff or his own mother had seen him naked, and this was not just any woman. 

“Um, thanks.” He mumbled, not finding anything better to say and fought hard to not look away. Her staring didn’t help him but at least she didn’t sound disgusted by what she saw. 

“Can…can I touch it? Just to feel…” Rey returned her eyes to his face, searching his and finding them. 

Ben’s pupils dilated and suddenly all shyness was gone. He gently grabbed Rey’s wrist, moving her hand towards his awaiting cock before letting go of it. “Yes, you can.” 

Slowly but surely, she closed the final distance and touched him with her fingertips. It was warm like the rest of him, so soft and yet so hard and veins tracing along its shaft. Immediately, Rey decided that she liked the feeling of it and she felt heat pool at the pit of her stomach and her sex moisten. 

Ben threw his head back and let out a low, strangled sound when she wrapped her fingers around him and he felt Rey’s lips on his throat. Throwing his head forward again his lips brushed against hers and their breaths mixed along with sighs of pleasure. 

“Does it feel good?” Rey half-whispered. 

“Yeah,” He croaked. “It does.” 

Ben’s eyes were still closed and Rey placed her free hand on his chest while her occupied one began moving slightly up and down causing Ben to groan. Still kissing each other she began pushing him back towards his bunk and when he felt the back of his knees hit its edge he sat down, causing Rey to lose her grip on him. She motioned for him to scoot back on the bunk and she crawled after him, putting one knee on each side of his legs, supporting herself on her right hand while her left took hold of his penis again. The sheets would surely become wet since they were both still slightly wet from the rain, but that was not something to think about right now. 

“I want to try something.” Rey bit her lip and dipped her head to kiss him. Rey had seen it a couple of times at the Niima outpost and while she hadn’t been particularly turned on by it then, she was curious and she was certainly turned on by the thought of sucking Ben’s cock and see his face with the same pleasure as the others she had observed. 

“Rey, are you offering to...to...” Ben couldn’t even say the words when he broke the kiss, he felt embarrassed again and he hated himself for it. Therefore he decided to say it through their bond instead. 

_Are you offering to blow me?_

“Yes, but only if you want to of course.” Her hand kept moving on him, still rather loosely, and her thumb brushed over the head, making him whimper. 

“I do want to. But I don’t know if I will be able to hold myself together for long.” 

Rey kissed his cheek and then his nose. “It’s okay, I only want to please you and make you feel good.” 

She let go of him and cupped his face with both her hands, kissing him one last time, and was happy to find him eagerly kissing her back in encouragement before she began her path towards her goal. 

Kissing her way down his body, pausing at his nipples to give them the same treatment she was about to give his cock, gave Rey some time to think. He was so big that she just barely reached around him with her fingers and for a moment she once again got scared and nervous, wondering how he would fit inside her without hurting her. But when she thought about him entering her, she felt another rush of wetness coat her sex and she calmed down a little. His member was, just like the rest of him, magnificent. 

“Ah!” He cried out as she tried to bite down on one nipple. 

“Sorry.” She cringed, letting go of it right away. “No teeth?” 

“It’s fine, but no, no teeth.” 

Rey smiled in understanding and continued down his abdominals, making sure to kiss all the scars she could reach. Many of the men Rey had seen bare-chested in her life had been hairy, but not Ben. He was all smooth except for the trail of black hair which led down to the patch of dark curls that surrounded his cock, which was still hard and rested against his stomach. 

She moved her body down so that her face was directly over his cock. Her right hand came to rest in the curls and she couldn’t help but thinking that they framed him in a good way. 

“All right there, Ben?” She asked and looked up at him, blowing hot air over him and grabbing him again. 

“Y-yeah.” Ben looked back down at her, his face flushed and his chest was already heaving. “Y-you can, if you want...” 

Rey took this as a final confirmation. Lowering her mouth, she took the head between her lips and sucked gently. She started doing this repeatedly and for every pull of her lips she gradually took in more and more of him. Her tongue wettened at the contact and Ben huffed and bucked his hips. 

“Is it too much?” She asked.

“No. I'll tell you if it’s not good. Just please, don’t stop!” He spoke in one breath, letting his head fall back on the pillow. 

Rey giggled inwardly at the fact that she already made him beg for her not to stop. Lowering her head again, she took the tip between her lips and sucked again. Her right hand grabbed his shaft so that it pointed upwards, her mouth not letting go, while her left hand caressed his balls lightly. She knew those were very sensitive and judging by the sounds Ben made, she was doing it quite right. 

The taste of him was not as she expected, she had expected it to be more skin-like but the transparent fluid that leaked from his tip had a slightly salty taste. It wasn’t unpleasant by any means, just different. Moaning, she took more of him into her mouth and slowly bobbed her head up and down, just like she had read about and also witnessed a couple of times. He felt even bigger than before and Rey’s sex clenched at the feeling of him filling her mouth. Ben groaned loudly and Rey glanced up at him. 

“Oh Force! That feels so good!” 

He was clutching the sheets and a sheen of sweat was starting to form on his skin. His eyes were closed, he was breathing heavily and he bit his lip before letting go and moaning when she swirled her tongue around the head and tightened her grip. This man, this big and beautiful man, was completely under her power and it turned Rey on so much. But then, she would love to be completely under his power too if the opportunity was given. 

The sight and feeling of her nimble fingers encircling him and her wet, hot mouth moving up and down his cock made Ben buck his hips. His head was spinning and if she kept this up he would by no doubt come in no time. If this felt so good, then how good wouldn’t it feel being inside her core later? 

“Mmmm Ben.” She moaned, her eyes fluttering close in pleasure before she took him in so deep that he hit the back of her throat. 

Ben groaned and fisted the sheets so hard that his knuckles turned white and the pleasure was so overwhelming that his whole body felt like it turned into a tight string. 

“AH! Rey, Rey! I’m...” 

“Hmm?” Came her response while she gripped his sack, attempting to roll his balls between her fingers. She loved the sounds he was making and she didn’t know if it was imagination or not, but she thought she could feel him harden even more and even twitch. 

“Rey…I can’t…GUH!” 

With one big movement of his hips and a series of groans he came. Rey jerked away in surprise as she felt hot fluid touch her lips and the rest of it landed on her chest, Ben's lower stomach and thighs in white spurts. She kept him in her grip as he twitched repeatedly in her hand, gradually became softer and his loud panting slowed down. With one last groan, Ben collapsed back on the bunk, seemingly limp and exhausted from pleasure, and Rey watched him with fascination. _She_ had actually made a man come!

“Oh...Force...that...” 

Rey didn’t say anything but let him calm down, sending him soothing words through their bond and caressed his stomach and thighs. She licked her lips, curious about how his sperm tasted. It tasted a bit like the other, only this was thicker in texture and fuller in taste. She enjoyed it, and since Ben appeared to have enjoyed this act very much she would love to do it again soon. 

“You okay, Ben?” She asked when he stilled and she wondered if he had fallen asleep. 

“Yes. I have just never felt such pleasure in my life. It was...you were amazing, Rey. Thank you.” 

He opened his eyes and rose on one elbow. When he saw her with her chin and chest full of his spend and not only that, but her licking it off her lips and fingers he felt massively turned on again but also embarrassed. 

“Forgive me.” He said, ashamed of himself and hiding his face in his hands. 

“What for?” 

“I wanted to last longer and I thought I would, but I clearly overestimated myself. I also must’ve scared you with all this...mess, I'm sorry.” 

“Don’t be, I enjoyed it a lot Ben and especially seeing _you_ enjoy it so much. I would gladly do it again.” 

She moved up his body and kissed him, Ben embracing her with his large arms. He could taste himself on her tongue and while he would’ve been bothered by it before he certainly wasn’t now. All thanks to the fact that it was the love of his life who was the owner of said tongue and lips and had just given him an incredible orgasm, undoubtedly the best one he ever had. He hoped she would let him try to please her the same way, and maybe even today. 

They kept kissing, Rey shifting so that her body rested on Ben’s and her thigh found its way between his legs, caressing his balls. She loved the feeling of their naked bodies together. His body heat was more than enough for the two of them and the contrast of her soft skin against his more rough one created both sparks and a sense of belonging.

Ben released her lips with a grunt, afraid it would be over too soon again when her thigh kept moving against him. 

“I think we should get cleaned up.” 

He started to rise from the bunk but Rey pushed him down again. 

“No, let me. I’ll go to the ‘fresher to get some towels.” 

Giving him a peck on his nose she stood up, suddenly feeling cold from the absence of his body warmth. She started to walk towards it but then stopped and turned her head. 

“How do you open the door?” 

“Just press the ”Open”-button on the door’s left and you can lock with a "Locked”-button from the inside.” 

Rey frowned and scrunched her nose. “Seems like a very simple locking mechanism, almost too simple.” 

“Oh, you can lock it in other ways both from outside and the inside in case of emergency. It has a secret way out too but I won’t tell you that now.” 

He said the last words with a glint in his eyes that she was sure was something he had inherited from Han. Quickly changing her thoughts, she went to the ‘fresher but kept her eyes on Ben all the time while he lay spread out on the bunk completely naked before she hurried up so that she could return to him sooner. 

“I thought women didn’t like doing that.” 

Rey paused her task in wiping his spend off his stomach, already done with her own chin and chest. “What do you mean?” 

“Pleasing men like...that. I have seen a bunch of holo videos and in those, the woman almost never seemed to find it pleasurable.” 

Rey knew about such videos but she also knew something else. “Ben, you know those videos rarely reflect reality, right?” 

“I assumed so, I also figured you wouldn’t like my hand pressing your head down and thrusting violently as they do in those videos too. So I didn’t do that.” 

Rey couldn’t help but smile, he was much sweeter than she ever thought he would be and him and it was the little things like this that could help her love him more. 

“I’m glad about that.” She smiled as she resumed her task. 

As soon as she was finished she put the towel to the side of the bed. 

“There. I think I got all of it.” 

When she looked up at Ben she was met with him looking back intensely, his nostrils flaring and he looked like he wanted to eat her. Rey lost all train of thought, captured by his eyes, and without thinking lifted her hand towards her chest before moving her fingers down her breast towards her nipple. She never got any longer though before Ben fast as a blaster shot sat up and grasped her hair in both hands, kissing her soundly and then pulled her down to lay on top of him. Rey let out an “oufff” in surprise and she didn’t know how she did it but somehow she managed to straddle his hips and put herself in a more comfortable position. Her hands mirrored his, burying themselves in his now almost dry hair. She felt him stir again against her inner thigh and when she rubbed her moist sex against him they both moaned and broke the kiss. 

“Rey, I don’t know if you want this but, uh, can I do the same to you?” 

Rey felt anxious. She would love for him to try it but the real question was, would she dare him to? What if he would find her ugly after all? 

“I...yeah, if you want to.” She removed her hands from his hair and put them on his stomach, her gaze following them. 

“But do _you_ want to? I am not doing it otherwise.” 

She felt his fingers caress her cheek and she looked at him again. 

“I do, I am just scared that you will find me unattractive.” 

Ben rose so that they were face to face. “I highly doubt that, Rey. Let me show you, hmm?” 

Rey nodded and swallowed, the nervousness not yet ready to leave her be. “Okay.” 

They switched positions so that Rey was lying on her back and Ben settled between her legs. He gave her a couple of reassuring kisses first, giving her some more time to change her mind and when she didn’t say anything he kissed his way down to her breasts. 

She smelled like rain, earth and something tangy which he could only assume was her arousal. Looking up for permission to continue, he was met with a shy smile and she smoothed his hair back behind his ear. Dipping his head he began placing soft kisses on her left breast, his hand cupping the other. Her nipples hardened further at his touch and so did his cock at the feeling of her. 

”Oh Rey, you’re so…mmh soft.” He said in a low voice before reaching out his tongue and lapping at one peak. 

“I, _oh_ , I thought you wouldn’t like...hah...them because they’re quite...ahhh...small.” 

He didn’t answer but instead took her whole breast in his mouth and tightened his lips around her nipple as he sucked on it experimentally. Rey gasped loudly and grabbed his hair hard with both her hands. She arched against his mouth and pressed him to her making him hum with pride. 

“Are you this soft all over, I wonder?” 

His mouth left her left breast and began giving the right one the same treatment while his hand instead wandered down her stomach, past the nest of curls to her sex. 

“Ah, Ben!” She cried out when he touched her slick folds, his fingers exploring the secrets no one else knew but her, and soon him. 

Her skin might have dried from the rain but Ben noticed that she was increasingly becoming wetter in other places. Even if he had never touched a woman intimately before or barely touched a woman at all he knew he could tell he was doing it well. 

“Kriff Rey, you feel so wet.” He released her nipple and began the same route as she had done on him before, down her well-toned stomach and removing his hand from her sex to settle on the sheets next to her. “I want to see you and taste you so badly.” 

Rey felt her heart speed up and who was she to deny his request? “I-I want you to. Please.” 

Ben smiled and continued kissing her, taking his time in exploring every new inch of skin on his way down. Just like Ben, Rey wasn’t without scars and imperfections either. But just like his weren’t ugly to her, hers weren’t ugly to him either. If anything, their scars were proof of survival, a memory of all the hardships they had gone through both together and alone. 

The closer Ben got to his goal, the more Rey began to tremble. Ben noticed her unease and caressed her sides. 

“Should I stop?” 

“No!” That came out louder than Rey intended but she was losing her patience. “Please, continue. I want this. But keep doing that with your hands, it calms me down.” 

Ben nodded and kept his hands at her hips. As he moved down the last bit Rey spread her legs further to give room for his broad shoulders. When he was face to face with her most intimate place she looked away, laying her head to the side because she didn’t dare see his reaction to her. 

“Rey, look at me.” 

Rey gulped and slowly turned back to look down at him. 

Ben was staring into her sex, stunned by her and still not believing that he was going to do this. She was beautiful; glistening wet with arousal and the blood that had flooded there made her skin look deliciously plump and pink. Swallowing hard he looked up at her again meeting a pair of nervous and expectant eyes. 

“You look beautiful.” The corners of his lips turned upwards into a smile and it seemed like a star appeared in his eyes when he blinked at her. 

“I...I do?” She stammered quietly. She couldn’t imagine herself being beautiful down there, having only seen herself a few times and while the sight hadn’t been particularly off-putting it had looked all but flattering. 

“Mm, you do.” He murmured before he kissed the patch of curls and his hands left her sides, one settling on her thigh and one settling on her sex. 

“How can you be so wet already?” He gasped as he touched her slick folds with the pads of his fingers. 

“You…all thanks to you Ben. You’re the only one who makes me so wet, and the only one who has ever made me…AH!” 

She cried out in surprise and shock when Ben without warning buried his face in her and swirled his tongue around. It didn’t follow any certain pattern; one lick here, one kiss there, and every other second she could hear him grunt. His enthusiasm could certainly not be mistaken but he was all over the place and doing it too fast and Rey felt this would hardly lead anywhere. 

“Wait, wait!” She panted and rose on her elbows to try to instruct him. 

Ben stopped and retreated from her, scared that he had gone too far. “What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing really. But can you slow…slow down a little?” She stuttered. “Try to go slower, but add a little bit more pressure instead.” 

She moved her fingers up and down along her slit to show him. While she wasn’t an expert on her own body by any means, Rey did have an idea of what she liked and did not like even if it was only thanks to her own hand. 

Ben licked a couple of longer stripes from her opening to her clit and she moaned. “Like this?” 

“Yeah, that’s better.” She wheezed. 

Ben did it again, this time even slower and harder and Rey bucked her hips when what felt like an electric jolt went through her body.

“Oh, Ben, oh!” 

“Oh Rey, you feel and taste so good!” He lapped at her entrance and gathered some of her sweet and tangy slick on his tongue. “Anything else you want me to do?” 

It took a few moments for Rey to compose herself and being able to speak. “Put...put your tongue here.” She rested her index finger on her clit and lightly stroked herself to show him, wetness covering her fingers. Ben followed and lightly flicked his tongue over the engorged nub, making her whimper. “Yes, like that, a bit harder.” 

Ben repeated the motion and as he continued to pay attention to the hard nub he felt Rey grab his hair. His cock, which was hard as durasteel again, twitched when she pulled at it and again when he peered up and saw her head thrown back in pleasure. Pulling back slightly he took a couple of deep breaths. He wasn’t finished though, he wanted to learn every way he could to make her feel good. 

“More?” He asked when she looked down to see why he had stopped. 

“Use your mouth, like you did with my nipple earlier.” She instructed. 

He covered her whole slit with his mouth then, just like he had done with her breasts earlier, sucked on her clit and released her with a loud _smack_. He then settled on her clit again, covering it with his lips and sucked. Rey let out a couple of long “haaah” and wondered how it would feel to have his cock inside her if this felt so good. She soon got a taste of it would feel like when he pushed his index finger inside her. He pushed in only the tip at first to see her reaction and when she moaned with pleasure he pushed it in to his second knuckle. She was so incredibly warm and wet and he hummed quietly before resuming sucking on her clit while slowly thrusting his finger in and out of her. 

“Oh, Ben! Keep doing that!” 

“I like it when you say my name like that. When you’re moaning and begging me not to stop.” He nuzzled her clit with his nose before speaking again. “Do you think you can take a second one?” He murmured as he pressed his finger even further inside. 

“I, yeah, I think so.” 

He pulled out of her then, putting his index finger and middle finger alongside each other before entering her again. She clenched around him and whimpered. Ben groaned when he imagined her clenching like that around his cock. 

“Alright?” 

“Yeah, keep going.” 

She was already relaxing again and Ben began to thrust his fingers evenly in and out, taking his time to revel in the wet slickness that he himself had a big part in. Lowering his mouth onto her again, he moaned as he enclosed her hard nub and lost himself in her taste and warmth. 

Rey couldn’t keep still now. His fingers felt just as big as they looked and when his mouth returned to its quest her eyes rolled back in her head and she pressed her feet hard down on the mattress. It all felt so good, _he_ felt so good! Still, it wasn’t enough for her. Three fingers wouldn’t be enough either. She realized then that this was it; she wanted Ben, she wanted him inside her, to feel what she had fantasized about so many times, and she wanted it _now_. In fact, she had never wanted something so much in her entire life. 

“Ben!” She said out loud yet hoarsely, making him stop all his ministrations right away. 

“What?” 

“I need you. Please, I need you!” 

Ben nodded and the look in his eyes changed from one of fear to one of fear _and_ need. He crawled up her body slowly, too slow for Rey’s liking, and positioned himself so that their centers were at the same level. He lined his cock up at her entrance with his right hand, letting out a shaky breath when he nudged her wetness, and put his left beside her shoulder to brace himself. 

“You sure you're ready?” He felt their bond soar, like the Force had been waiting for this moment. 

“If you are.” She licked her lips nervously and caressed the muscles of his upper arm to calm herself. “Just be careful and go slow, okay?” 

“Okay.” 

Slowly, Ben began pushing into her. They kept their eyes locked as he moved forward until Rey broke it to look down. When she saw him inch for inch disappear into her body and splitting her folds her eyes gaped and when she felt him stretch her, she closed them tightly and she whined at the sharp, though small, discomfort. Ben stopped moving then, not halfway in yet but he would by no doubt stop completely if she was in pain. 

“Does it hurt? Should I continue?” He asked, bending down to brush his lips against her forehead. 

“A little, but I think it’s fine. Continue.” 

Ben did as commanded and when he was so far inside that he didn’t need his hand holding him any longer he moved it to her cheek. She was so tight but the longer he got the more he felt her give away, and most of all it felt so incredibly good that he was scared he would come on the spot. 

“Oh Force, oh Force! Rey, you’re so good. You feel so good!” 

“You...” Rey said breathlessly and grasped his forearms for support. “I think I need a break again, if that’s alright with you?” 

Every muscle in his body was tight and every second was a struggle for Ben but still he managed a smile for Rey. 

“You don’t need to ask, we’re taking as many breaks as you want.” 

They both kept still, breaths deep and controlled, until they felt her inner walls give away and Ben pushed in a bit further. Soon he bottomed out inside her with a groan and Rey moaned loudly, digging her nails into his arms before releasing them. He was so big that all Rey felt she could do was to lie down, her arms on the sheets stretched out from her body, legs spread, head tilted to the side and panting as she tried to relax as much as possible to adjust to him. It didn’t hurt any longer, it was just that it felt like there was nothing else in the world but his cock stretching her and stuffing her full. 

Ben desperately wanted to move but he wouldn’t do so without Rey permitting him and he certainly didn’t dare asking about it. Now that he finally had her there was no way he was going to act even the slightest selfish. 

After a while, Rey began to squirm under him and she looked up at him through hooded eyes and with a sated smile on her lips. Her arms came up from her sides and embraced him, willing him to come closer with his upper body. 

“You can move now.” She whispered against his lips. 

Ben held himself up on his elbows just enough so that her nipples still grazed his hard chest. Breathing as deeply and as slowly as he could, he started moving out only a little bit and then in again.

“You’re so small, I'm so afraid to break you.” His hot breath washed over her face as he rested his forehead on hers. 

“You won’t.” She gasped at the newfound friction him sliding against her wet walls created. “You feel so good like this, Ben.” 

She further proved her words by wrapping her arms and legs around his warm, huge and solid body and with that she could feel some of the tension leave his muscles. He went very slow with his thrusts, awkwardly grinding against her and grazing her mound with his pubic bone and therefore also touching her clit. He was so big and so close and as she gave him permission to increase his speed she gave in completely and let him take the lead. 

Ben grasped the thin sheets tightly on each side of her head as he picked up his speed and power a little. Nothing came out of his mouth aside from “Rey!” and loud gasps. She felt so good around him, tight and warm and slippery and no matter how much he wanted this to last longer, he already felt a tightening in his balls indicating he was about to climax at any time. 

Rey moved her hands from his broad back to his hair and brought him down to kiss her again. While he was heavy she loved feeling his weight on her. The kiss was a bit messy and sloppy because of their graceless movements and panting, and it tasted a lot like the perspiration that covered them both. But they didn't mind that, because it still felt far too good to let go. 

Suddenly Ben abruptly ripped his lips away from hers and instead buried his face in the curve of her shoulder, trying to muffle the groans that escaped his mouth. Her mouth was just at his ear and her hot breath, her moans and her mewls were what made him fall over the edge. 

“Rey, I...” 

Then he stilled, a groan that almost sounded painful emitted from his mouth and Rey felt him twitch inside her followed by gushes of warmth hitting her insides. She knew it wouldn’t last long and like she had told him before about the blow jobs on videos one could say the same about the penetration act. Yet, she couldn’t help but wish that it had lasted longer because it had felt so good, better than she had ever dared to expect about her eventual first time having sex. 

She pulled at his wet strands and rubbed back and forth between his shoulders, helping him to calm down until his breathing turned even again and he softened inside her. He eventually lifted his head to look at her. She had expected a look of satisfaction on his face, but instead there was something more similar to shame. He began to tremble, his still sweaty body breaking out in tremors as he started crying. 

“I’m sorry.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh-oh again!
> 
> Sorry for another cliffhanger. Thank you for reading and remember that every kudos and every comment means something even if I very rarely reply to comments❤️


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for some angsty and then NSFW shower time🔥

_“I’m sorry.”_

Without another word he pulled out of her, causing her to grimace at the sudden absence, and rose from the bunk to walk towards the 'fresher. He opened the door, quickly went inside and closed it again, never even looking back at Rey. 

Rey was left speechless. Why was he upset? Had she done something wrong? No, that couldn’t be it. He had appeared to really enjoy himself and he had come rather quickly. Whatever it was, she had to find out. 

Sitting up, she winced slightly at the burn in her thighs, caused by them being held apart by Ben’s large body, and the small ache in her center. She turned towards where the ‘fresher was and, even if it was probably useless, decided to call for him. 

“Ben? Ben!” 

No reply. Rey rose from the bunk, wrapped the grey duvet around her, and strode towards the ‘fresher, feeling a bit sore everywhere and she knew it was because her body wasn’t used to the kind of activity she and Ben had just done. As she went, she felt something on her thigh. She stopped, lifted the duvet and looked down and saw his spend trickle out of her. “Kriff” she muttered and resumed her walking, hoping it wouldn’t land on the floor. 

When she arrived at the door she could hear the sound of running water. She knocked a couple of times but there was no response. 

“Ben, are you alright in there?” 

She knocked again but still nothing. 

“Ben, I'm coming in now!” 

Pressing the “Open”-button on the panel she was relieved to find the door unlocked. That meant that he at least wouldn’t have minded her coming in sooner or later. The door slid open and she went inside. After a second of marveling at how surprisingly big the room was, she saw his silhouette through the foggy walls of the proportional shower cabin. 

He was leaning forward against the wall with his back to her, his right hand flat against it while his left was curled in a tight fist. It almost looked like he was about to punch the wall but he just stood there, completely still and she wondered if he even had heard her enter. His face was down and hidden from her so she couldn’t tell what expression he had. She couldn’t sense him either, he had shut her out but that didn’t hinder her from knowing he was upset with something. 

Unwrapping the duvet and throwing it outside the door, she locked it again after finding the “Locked”-button. She then walked towards the shower door, slid it open and stepped inside the cabin. When she came up next to him and touched his shoulder, he flinched a little but other than that, no reaction. Rey kept her right hand on his shoulder, placing her left on his taut bicep. Still no reaction. She leaned into his back and got under the warm sprays of water. Rey had showers before at the Resistance base, but one couldn't compare them to this in size or technology. 

“Ben, are you alright?” 

Ben still didn’t move, though she saw his lips twitch. 

“Will you look at me, Ben? Please, look at me.” Rey pleaded, fearing that she would break down. She wasn't sure if she could take him ignoring her again like before when they escaped the rain. 

Ben let go of the wall then and Rey in turn let go of him. He straightened slowly and turned so that he had his back against the wall now and towered over her. It was difficult to tell if what fell down his cheeks was tears or water but it was most likely a combination of the two. The black, long hair was glued to his head. His whole body was rigid, his fists were clenched at his sides and he still didn’t look her in the eyes. 

“I’m sorry.” He said almost without moving his lips. 

Rey felt relieved, him speaking to her had to be taken as a good sign. “What for?” She wanted to touch him again but hesitated. 

“For not lasting longer. I am a 30-year-old man, not some teenage boy. I should be able to perform much better.” 

While Rey almost found it amusing that it was nothing more serious, she also felt incredibly sad for him because he obviously wanted it to be as good for her as possible.

“You were nervous, I think.” She lifted her thumb to her lips and bit down. It could’ve been much worse, he could’ve thought she didn’t perform as he expected. “It was your first time, _our_ first time. It is perfectly natural. Don’t be so hard on yourself.” 

“But I wanted to for your sake. You cannot possibly have gotten anything out of it.” 

She reached out and touched his forearms then, not being able to hold herself back any longer. She caressed them up and down and saw him unclench his fists as well as feeling the rigidness disappear. 

“I did like it, Ben. The short time it lasted, I enjoyed. Surely there was some discomfort in the beginning but otherwise, it felt really good. Also, when you used your mouth on me, that was incredible.” 

A ghost of a smile touched Ben’s lips but his face quickly turned apprehensive again. 

“I shouldn’t have left you in bed like that.” He rubbed his chin nervously. “My instincts have always been to stay and fight. But this is unlike anything I have ever done and I had no idea what to do or how to handle it, so I left. I am so sorry, Rey. If you want to leave now, I understand.” 

He was shaking now, despite the hot water still pouring down over him, from nervousness about whether she would leave or not. This was not how he had imagined him and Rey naked together in a shower. He had imagined them in throes of passion, screaming and panting in pleasure as he held her against the wall and thrust in and out of her. Expecting her to leave, he turned around and turned off the water. When he turned back and still saw her standing in the same spot, droplets cascading down her beautiful form, he got confused. 

“Rey, I am really not forcing you to st...” 

His mouth was clamped shut by Rey’s palm before it slid down his throat, his chest and midriff before it settled on his flank. She held out her other arm, looking up at him and smiling. 

“Come here.” She said, taking a small step closer so that her lithe body was flush against his. 

Ben accepted Rey’s invitation and slowly, his arms came around her and the sheer intimacy along with Rey’s kindness, made him start crying again. This felt strangely more intimate than anything they had done before this afternoon. Maybe it was due to the fact he had opened up to her, shown her his vulnerable side, and she had not only accepted it but was also comforting him about it. She truly was the kindest being he had ever met. 

“I’m sorry, Rey. I'm so, so sorry.” He sobbed into her shoulder and hugged her hard in desperation. 

Rey rubbed his upper back. “I told you, it’s alright.” She whispered against his damp skin and suddenly, her feelings for him were clearer than ever and she didn’t hesitate to confess them. 

“I love you, Ben.” 

His arms untangled from her and when she looked at her face she seemed just as surprised by her revelation as he was, her fingers coming up to her lips like she wanted to touch the words to be sure she had really spoken them out loud. 

“You really mean that?” He croaked. 

Rey’s expression changed into a wide smile. She nodded eagerly and tears brimmed her eyes. “In case you haven’t noticed that already, yes I love you, Ben Solo. Just like I have desired you for longer than I wanted to admit, I have also loved you for just as long.” 

Even with his inexperience, Ben knew there is a difference between liking someone and actually loving someone because that meant you were prepared to sacrifice a lot, if not everything, for the other person. Ben could still not believe it but what other choice did he have when she already had given herself to him in every way possible, now stood naked in front of him, declaring her love for him and was looking at him with those large, hazel eyes of hers? 

“Oh Rey, you have no idea for how long I have wanted to say this. I love you too, Force I love you!” 

Ben’s lips came down on hers, soft and warm like a pair of plush pillows. One of his hands stayed at her hip, one came up to tangle in her wet hair. He tilted her head up to gain better access to her mouth and they both moaned as their tongues fought and tangled in a wet mess. 

The longer they kissed, the more did she feel him stir against her and the same happened to her own heart. There and then, an uncontrollable need began to rise within Rey and she decided that she wanted him again. Breaking the kiss for air, she rubbed her nose against his and palmed his neck. 

“Do you want to try again?” She asked in one exhale. 

Ben’s cock was hard again and poked into her lower stomach. His racing heartbeat matched hers and now he wasn’t shaking with tears but with need. The answer to her question was obvious. 

“I…do _you_ want to?” His voice almost broke. 

“Yes!” She sighed and moistened her suddenly dry lips. 

“Then I say ‘yes’ too, Force yes I want to!” 

His lips came down on hers forcefully and using his strength he wrapped one arm around her, turned them both around so that Rey’s back was pressed against the wall. Both his hands came up to cover her neck as he couldn’t stop kissing her, his lips and tongue moving over hers with frenzy. Everything he felt for her he poured into the kisses and Rey had a hard time keeping up with him. There was no room between them any longer, her soft yet toned body pressing against his big, hard and chiseled one, the heat of their skin creating a fire that the Force hadn’t felt in a long time. 

Rey’s hands wandered wherever she could reach; from his wide shoulders, down his arms and well-sculpted stomach before one wrapped around his hardness. Ben moaned into her mouth when she started moving her hand, her thumb brushing the head with every stroke. He broke the kiss then, pressing his forehead against hers and silently asking for permission through the now open bond. 

_May I touch you as well?_

Rey nodded and Ben’s hands moved down from her neck to her breasts. One hand stayed there while the other moved down her stomach past the damp curls at the juncture of her thighs. When he reached her folds, he groaned at the slick heat he found. 

“Kriff, sweetheart. So wet!” 

Rey swallowed down the lump that threatened to form in her throat. No one had ever called her any endearments before without sarcasm. He stroked her back and forth, brushing over her clit and she gasped every time he did so. She struggled to keep up her work on his cock and Ben moaned when her grip tightened. 

“You feel so good, sweetheart. Both on my cock and in my hands.” 

When he surprised her by inserting one, and then carefully a second, finger inside her and began moving them slowly, she couldn't keep her grip on him any longer.

“Ah, Ben, oh!” She moaned, throwing her head back and even if it hit the wall the pain was only temporary. 

“Oh yes, I like the sound of that. Do you like my hands, Rey? Do you like what my fingers are doing to you?” 

He pinched her nipple and began thrusting his fingers steadily in and out of her for emphasis, holding her gaze to check for any signs of discomfort. 

“I...hah....yes...mmh...don’t...stop...” 

His two fingers picked up their speed. They were so big that they could easily match three of her own. She lifted her right leg to the side, her hand holding up her thigh, to give him more room and when she did so, he touched a spot within her that made her yelp. 

“Oh, right there!” 

The hand that had been on her right breast now moved down to her thigh. He put it over hers signaling for her to let go so that he could hold her instead. She put both arms around his neck, holding on for dear life as he continued pleasuring her with his fingers. 

“I want you to come, Rey. I want to make you come.” He said huskily in her ear. 

She was getting close, her breaths came out faster and shallower and her skin began to flush with heat. But she still needed that extra push. 

“Do you think you... _hah_...can...I need...” 

She was panting and Ben loved what he was seeing, her beginning to fall apart by his hand and later hopefully by his mouth and cock. 

“Anything, Rey. Tell me how to make you come.” 

She let go of him with her right hand to put it on her clit and circle it to show him. 

“Your thumb...here.” 

Ben quickly caught up with her and shoved her hand away replacing it with his thumb, pressing down and circling it in tune with his thrusting fingers. 

“Ben, Ben! I’m...oh... _oh_!” 

“I’m right here sweetheart, I'm holding you.” 

He looked her deeply in the eyes and she nodded in response, her lips tightly pursed in preparation for what was coming. With one last thrust and crook of his fingers and one last press down on her clit, Rey cried out as heat and quivers hit her in waves. She called out Ben’s name repeatedly and hugged his shoulders tighter. She buried her face in her neck, trying unsuccessfully to muffle the screams while he kept moving throughout her release.

Rey felt herself come down from her orgasm and her breathing returned to normal. Her knees were slightly wobbly and as a result she fell heavily into Ben’s bosom. He supported her by holding her close and kissed her temple. It felt so good to not have to think, to only having to concentrate on _feeling_ , knowing that Ben would catch her if she fell. She rose to stand straighter and Ben pressed a cautious little kiss to the corner of her mouth. 

“Oh Rey...” He breathed against her skin, pulling his fingers out of her and lifting them to his mouth. Withdrawing his lips from her face he made sure she watched him as he licked the remnants of her orgasm off his digits. He still held her tight to him with his other arm around her back. 

“Delicious...” He whispered and loosened his hold on her when she felt steady enough. 

“Did I really do that? Did I really make you come?” 

Rey smiled for the first time since her orgasm ended and she nodded as she lovingly threaded her fingers through his hair. 

“Yeah, you did. It is the first time another person has made me come.” 

Ben smiled back down at her, clearly proud of himself. 

“You looked so beautiful, your face flushed and your mouth open, crying out my name.” His fingertips ran down her side before he palmed her lower back. “I mean, not that you weren’t beautiful before, but you were even more beautiful this time, and any time...” He cringed and looked away from her, now dragging his fingers through his hair. “Sorry, I am not very good at this. But you should just know that you are beauti...” 

Ben didn’t have time to finish as Rey cupped his cheek, pulled his face back to her and she rose on her tiptoes to silence him with a kiss. 

_Thank you, Ben! You're beautiful too._

Ben kissed her back and pressed himself flush to her again. Once more they were both reminded of his hard arousal that hadn’t exactly turned slack during his time fingering her, quite the opposite. But it could wait, Ben was far from done with her yet. 

“I want to put my mouth on you again, Rey. Do you want that?” He asked before he planted another kiss on her lips. 

Rey was immediately taken out of her dazed state. She smiled into the kiss and shook her head up and down. “Yes, yes! I just need to...I think I need to lie down.” 

Ben nodded, his eyes lidded with lust. He reached out his hand then, still slick with his saliva and her wetness. With help from the Force he summoned two large towels to him. He placed them on the floor after making sure Rey could stand on her own. The towels would get soaked in no time, but Rey’s comfort was the most important thing because both of them clearly wanted to be in the shower. He then let the door remain open to give them both more space to sit and lay down on. Rey moved forward from her standing position by the ‘fresher wall to the towels and lied down on her back with Ben following quickly. She had expected him to go directly for her sex but instead, he leaned down over her and pressed another kiss to her lips before he took each one of her breasts into his mouth. 

“But, I thought...” Rey looked at him quizzically. 

“They are far too beautiful not to be kissed at any chance.” Ben murmured, releasing her right nipple with a smacking sound and then shifted down her body. Rey parted her legs, revealing her wet center to him. 

“Mmmm.” Ben hummed before licking a long and even stripe up her core, collecting as much of her arousal as he could. “So good, Rey.” 

“Oh, kriff!” She gasped as she shoved her hips into his face, begging for more. 

Ben only grunted in response and grabbed her thighs before he pressed his lips against her. He traced her opening, pressing the tip of his tongue inside and it earned another thrust of Rey’s hips. 

“Careful there, sweetheart. Or I might fall over.” He teased before he hooked his arms around her thighs, holding her still. 

“Do...not...stop...” 

Rey hissed down at him and grabbed his hair to hold him in place, glaring at him with a look that could only be described as feral. Ben met her eyes with an equal look and then shoved his face into her sex again, and now he didn’t stop. He kissed and sucked on her inner lips, licked her solidly and listened to the various sounds escaping Rey’s pretty mouth. Every now and then he would glance up just to see her face. He was fascinated by her; the way she looked, the way she moaned his name, the way she tasted, the way her body didn’t stop dripping the sweet yet slightly salty liquid he lapped up from the soft and swollen folds of her most secret place. 

_The way_ he _was making her feel like this and no one else!_

The shower might have been big, but there was just enough space for them both. Ben didn’t care that his cock was squeezed between his body and the floor, the only thing he felt and saw was Rey and how she was laid out before him. Her head was thrown back, she moaned softly every time he moved over her sex and her fingers lovingly caressed his scalp to show him how much she liked what he was doing. She was writhing, not being able to keep still despite his strong hold on her thighs. Her small curls tickled his nose when she moved about and when he laughed into her, the vibrations caused her to groan. 

“Ohhh Ben, you feel so good.” 

Ben didn’t respond but only released his hold a bit, stroking her thighs with his large palms and humming. Despite not having any earlier experience, Rey could very well tell that this wasn’t just what other people called ‘fucking’. No, what Ben did to her was _making love_. His tongue was soft when he licked her and stiff when he experimentally entered her and thrust in and out. He was taking his time to find out what she liked and for that, she was incredibly grateful since she barely knew herself what she liked and didn’t. 

When he started to concentrate on her clit, licking it before sucking it into his mouth and putting two fingers inside her again, Rey knew she was done for. 

“Mm yes, oh yes Ben!” 

_I’m close again!_

Ben caught her sent thought and grunted as he sucked harder, adding his tongue and crooking his fingers so that he hit the spot he had found earlier. 

“Hah...ah... _yes_...right there. Don’t stop!” 

Her toes curled as heat spread through her body from her head and downwards. Rey gripped the towel so hard with the hand that was not in his hair that her knuckles turned white. She cried out his name and trembled while Ben refused to let go of her with neither his mouth nor his fingers. 

It wasn’t until she sagged down on the towel that he slowly, almost reluctantly, withdrew and crawled up her flushed body to kiss her. She could taste herself on his lips, and while she had never liked the taste when she had tried it herself she now found it arousing. Breaking the kiss, they both panted as Rey reached between them and cupped his balls. 

“Do you want me to...” 

Ben made a deep down in his throat, he would love for her to but he would love even more to have her now. 

“There's no need. I want you now, if you’ll have me.” 

_Yes!_

“Maybe...maybe it’s better if I am on top this time though. Then you can just tell me if things are going too fast.” 

Ben nodded with a simple “yeah” and quickly disappeared from between her legs to sit back against the wall. His large torso rose and fell with every breath, his cock stood at full attention and his legs were stretched out inviting her to sit on his lap. Rey licked her lips at the sight. She sat down on his lap, one leg on each side of his thighs and careful not to sit on the bowcaster scar Chewie had left on him. 

“Ready?” She asked as she grabbed him and positioned herself over the head. 

He gulped. “If you are.” 

Slowly, she sank down and felt him at her opening. When he breached it, she winced a little and tried to relax her pelvic muscles as much as possible. Her mouth silently opened, closed and then opened again. It didn’t hurt like the first time but there was still a slightly uncomfortable stretch as her throbbing insides accommodated him. The wince turned into moans when he finally was fully seated inside her. The discomfort had now turned into an overwhelming fullness, and Ben groaned at the same. 

“Oh _Force,_ Rey!” 

The back of Ben’s head was pressed against the wall, all his muscles were tense and he held her waist hard, so hard it would probably leave marks. Rey used one hand to caress his chest in a calming gesture and one to hold his clammy cheek. 

“Relax Ben, just breathe.” Rey said while trying to catch her breath herself. 

The tension left Ben’s body and he loosened his grip. They sat still for a couple of minutes, letting Rey get used to his large presence inside her and letting him get used to her soft and tight walls around him. During that time, they kissed and whispered endearments against each other’s lips. When Rey felt ready, she slowly lifted her hips only a little bit before going down again, using her hands on his shoulders for leverage. Each time, she went a little higher and they both moaned as their combined slickness made perfect friction. 

“Tell me…tell me when you’re close Ben, okay?” 

Ben didn’t respond, only moaning with his eyes closed and completely caught up in how amazing it felt. Rey involuntarily clenched around him every time on her way up. While she went slow and he felt like he had more stamina than last time, it made him wonder how long he was going to last but would definitely make sure to tell her. 

“Ben, do you think you can give me a hand? When I’m going up. I don’t think my legs are strong enough.” 

This time, Ben’s eyes snapped up. He would love to be more active, right now it felt like Rey was doing all the job and that shouldn’t be the case. Grabbing her waist, he did as she said. 

“Like this?” 

When he lifted her she felt like nothing, the adrenaline flooding his vessels making him stronger than he already was. 

“It’s perfect.” 

She kept moving up and down his glistening cock with Ben giving her power to her thrusts. He was rewarded with a hypnotizing sight; her breasts bouncing right before his eyes, her head thrown back, her mouth open in ecstasy and giving away moans and mewls. Many times he needed to close his eyes because of the intense pleasure but at the same time he didn’t want to miss anything. Who knew how many moments like this they would get, and he didn’t want to miss out on a single one. 

Their bond was now wide open. Ben kissed everywhere he could reach; her mouth, her chin, her cheeks, her throat, her collar bones, her chest, the swells of her breasts. When their eyes met they both leaned in and crushed their lips together, soaking in the never-ending pleasure but also at the intimacy and the emotions that ran through their minds and bodies in a hot and sweet rush. 

Ben could feel himself get closer to the edge. True to his word, he tried to articulate as well as he could without croaking. 

“Rey, I’m gonna come soon.” 

As if on signal, Rey reached down between them and started rubbing her clit but her hand was swatted away by Ben. 

“You’ve already made me come twice and are about to make me come a third time. Let _me_ make _you_ come three times too, sweetheart.” He growled and gave her a wild look while he searched out her hard and wet nub. 

Rey’s moans turned louder and louder and her movements more hurried. Ben leaned in and attacked her breast with his mouth, sucking vigorously while his fingers rubbed her in circular movements. Instead of moving up and down she now ground her hips against his hand, taking his cock deeper. 

“Ben! Oh, Ben!” Rey yelped and dug her fingernails into his shoulders. 

“Come on, sweetheart! I want you to come before I do, you think you can do that?” 

“I, yeah, I think...” 

Ben latched on to her breast again and rubbed her even faster, feeling her tighten around him and before they both knew it, Rey screamed while embracing him tightly as she came. Her inner walls spasmed around him and that combined with her pulling at his hair made his own release inevitable. Digging his fingers into the flesh of her buttocks, he groaned out his release into her throat while Rey was still coming down from hers. 

Small tremors shook them, both from the aftershocks and from the slight chill caused by the heat quickly leaving their limbs. Ben reached up and turned on the shower again to warm them both up. They didn’t say anything, only kissed lazily and moaned as they felt the warmth return to their bodies. 

When they felt warm and strong enough, they got out of the shower cabin to dry themselves. It was difficult for them to keep their hands off each other even now, Ben insisting on drying Rey and stealing kisses here and there only for Rey to do the same, them both for the moment completely free of any difficulties, duties and conflicts they were otherwise facing in the outside world. 

Ben had only carried her out through the ‘fresher door when he heard and felt her doze off against his chest. Looking down at her blissful face, he smiled and hugged her closer to him. When he reached his bunk he gently laid her down and retrieved the discarded duvet by the ‘fresher door. He tucked her in before he climbed in and put the duvet over himself as well. He placed a kiss on her forehead, swept his index finger across her temple a couple of times and admired her sleeping face one last time before he settled down on his pillow. The last things he heard before he fell asleep were Rey’s soft, silent breaths and the pitter-patter of the rain on the roof and windows of his shuttle. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments and kudos, it is always appreciated❤️


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains lots and lots of talk, Ben and Rey need to discuss their future and how they are going to proceed from here. It will end happily though and I can say that if there is one thing that is consistent with my writing, it's the happy endings. The road to get there might sometimes be bumpy but you can trust that I always guarantee a happy ending😊 Thank you all for reading and I hope you enjoy the finale!

Rey felt herself slowly wake up. The first thing that came to her mind was the sound of rain hitting a roof. Then she opened her eyes and sat up slowly, taking in the interior of a ship that wasn’t the Millenium Falcon. When she looked to her right and saw the sleeping form of Ben Solo, memories of their lovemaking came flooding back. 

She closed her eyes again as she remembered how they first made love on this very bunk, Ben’s sudden departure and then their second time in the shower. She took deep breaths and touched her lips as she remembered his kisses and how good both his lips and his skin felt against hers. Her hand wandered down to her chest as she remembered his mouth nipping at her breasts, her stomach and then finally her sex. When her hand reached her mound she let out a quiet moan, thinking about how both his tongue and cock had felt so incredibly good. He made her feel like someone that wasn’t Jedi Rey, or scavenger Rey, or fighter Rey, but someone with actual feelings, needs and thoughts. 

_Just Rey._

She was interrupted in her musings by the need to use the ‘fresher, and this time not for a shower. As silent as she could, she got out of the bed and slowly walked towards it, picking up her still wet clothes that lay scattered on the floor plus her lightsaber. Ben's saber was still inside the 'fresher and when she got there she decided to bring them both back. Despite her body feeling stiff and her muscles aching, she felt lighter than ever before. 

When she came back to bed, Ben was in the same position as when she left. He was lying on his stomach, face turned to the side where Rey had slept with one arm on each side of his head. The duvet had slipped down so that it only covered the small of his back and downwards. He was sleeping soundly, and when Rey looked at his face it hit her how different he looked compared to when he was awake. His features seemed even softer and younger somehow, the lines caused by the troubles weighing down on his mind completely gone. 

Rey couldn’t resist, when she had put both their sabers on the small bedside table she reached out her hand and caressed his raven-black, shoulder-long hair with her fingertips, down his shoulder and his muscular back. She wondered if he always slept this good, or if it was because of the endorphins released by their recent activities. She wanted to believe it was. 

Her hand reached the hem of the duvet by his backside. This material was way softer and way finer than the simple wool blankets she used on the Falcon, and certainly more than the excuses for quilts she used on Jakku. When she bent down and placed a kiss on his back, he stirred and looking up towards his face she saw his eyes flutter open. 

“Mmmmh, Rey?” He groaned, his voice muffled with sleep. 

“S-sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up.” She stuttered. 

Rey was just about to pull her hand away when Ben grabbed it. Sitting up, he leaned forward and kissed her, moving his lips slowly and tenderly over hers while tangling his other hand in her hair. When Rey moaned into the kiss, he pulled away but lifted his index finger to her lips and stroked them. 

“What time is it?” 

Rey looked out the windows at the front and then back at Ben, her lips still tingling from their kiss. “It appears to be evening soon, it’s getting darker outside.” 

“Hmm.” 

Ben nodded without any further reply. Rey moved closer to him so that their thighs touched, Ben was still covered from his hips and down but she could still feel the warmth that seeped from his skin through the material. She lifted her hand and grazed her fingers across his eyebrows and down his cheek while she got lost in those dark, shining eyes of his. 

“What?” He asked when she probably had stared a bit too long. 

“Your eyes, they are so beautiful.” 

Ben looked down and blushed, it would take a long time for him to get used to someone calling anything of him ‘beautiful’. “Thank you, so are yours.” 

They sat and played with each other’s hair, enjoying the mere proximity and how easy it felt to touch before the smile that grazed Ben’s features fell. 

“What happens with us now, after this?” He asked quietly. 

Rey was caught off-guard. She had completely forgotten about everything else. She didn’t want to think about what was going to happen. All she wanted was to stay here, in this moment, with Ben and not wanting it to end. She pondered the question for a moment and she hated her own answer to it. 

“I don’t know.” 

Truth was, neither knew what would happen to them or their relationship. The only thing they knew was that there was a war out there to be fought. For some reason, it felt like they had more control over that than their own lives. 

“Rey, we both know we cannot do this forever. But for now, this is the best and maybe even only way we can be together.” 

“You mean like secret trysts?” She laughed at the absurdity, she couldn’t help it. ”People are going to find out eventually.” 

She shifted so that she sat with her legs crossed and grasped Ben’s both hands, his barely fitting in hers because they were so much bigger. 

“Come with me, please.” She pleaded. 

Ben let out a heavy sigh. “You know I can’t. And if I asked you to come with me, I know you would say ‘no’ too.” 

Rey started crying at the thought of being separated from him again. 

“I don’t think I would be able to bear being away from you again.” She hiccupped and let the tears fall freely. Despite the sad and uncomfortable subject, a feeling of relief flowed through her as she now wasn’t afraid to show her emotions and didn’t have to hold back. 

“Rey, if it gets so bad that we can’t be together, remember that you were fine without me before. You will be alright.” 

“Don’t say that Ben!” She shouted and pushed him away from her, though she instantly regretted it and pulled herself back to him. “I was not ‘fine’, I was never really fine. I have never felt any real joy until this”. She gestured and gazed around her before looking back at Ben. “You might know me better than anyone else, but don’t you dare to say that I will be ‘fine’ when we are alone again and one or both of us even might die.” 

Rey turned away from him then and buried her face in her hands, sobbing uncontrollably and tears streaming down her face dampening her palms. Ben pulled his fingers through his hair so hard that it hurt and he mentally cursed himself. Why could he never just shut his mouth? He took a moment to collect himself and then reached out to Rey again, touching her shoulder. She didn’t flinch which was good. He had to tell her, it was now or never. 

“Rey,” he whispered, voice full of regret, and pulled a few strands of still damp hair behind her ear and exposing the back of her neck. Moving closer, his lips kissed her hair and his hands covered her shoulders. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. There is something else I want to say though, but I want to look you in the eyes when I say it.” 

Rey turned, her face puffy and swollen from crying while wet streaks on her cheeks reflected the light inside the shuttle. Ben almost flinched, he truly hated to see her like this. Regaining his focus, he slid his hands from her shoulders and took her hands in his. 

“I am planning to leave the First Order.” 

There. He had finally said it. Rey blinked away her tears, not believing his words at first but then, when had he ever lied to her? 

“You...what?” 

“Yes Rey. I wanted to tell you already outside, but you kept attacking me and it was something I wanted to say out loud, not just through our bond.” 

Rey shook her head slightly and blinked a couple of times more, trying to comprehend his words, before she spoke. 

“How are you going to do that? They are going to try to kill you if they find out about your plans.” 

“I don’t know yet, I'm still trying to figure out how. This isn’t something I have decided just recently, I have thought about it these past few months when the emptiness I felt from missing you began to feel unbearable. I want to leave them so I can be with you.” 

He took a moment to breathe, closing his eyes and it looked like he reminisced something in his mind before he opened them again and refocused on hers. 

“This is what I meant when we had defeated Snoke in the throne room. I didn’t want you to join me in the First Order, I wanted you to join me so that we could both break free from what had held us back, from the past. So that we could start and create something new of our own, perhaps a new order and rule the galaxy together.” 

Rey shook her head again, removing her hands from his grip to cup his neck instead. “Do you honestly think that is what I want? I don’t want to create orders. Why not just live, Ben? Live in peace somewhere and away from all the power-hungriness, evilness and battles? Just us and no one else.” 

Ben sighed. “We can’t do that, Rey. The war has just begun and it will continue for who knows how long. There will be no peace until it’s over, whenever that will be.” 

Rey averted her eyes and brought her lower lip between her teeth. Her face was impossible to read and Ben didn’t want to prod her mind. 

“Is this what love feels like?” She said, still looking down before slowly glancing up at him again, her eyes watery once more. “To feel so attached to a person that being away from him or her makes you feel like you break apart inside? If this is true love, I don’t know if I want it.” 

Ben panicked. “Rey, this isn’t...” 

“I have never felt this way before about anyone. And when I do, when I finally feel happy and finally feel that special connection with someone, it’s with a person that I absolutely _shouldn’t_ have a connection with.” She shifted and turned to her side, put her knees up and hugged them with her arms, resting her chin on top of them. “I wish things didn’t have to be so complicated all the time. Why can it never be easy?” She looked ahead, her expression blank, empty. 

“Rey, we cannot control who we are. Much less who and what we want.” Ben placed his hand on her shoulder, rubbing it and feeling how delicate she was and she glanced over her shoulder at him. “Love isn’t only what you describe, it’s also happiness and feeling the need to take care of another person and make him or her happy. It's also what we just did before; here and in the shower.” 

They both couldn’t hide the small blush that appeared on their faces. The situation became more apparent as they were both still naked. 

“Love is something you have to fight for. It might come easy at first, but it gets harder as time goes on. Other people might get in the way, wars, any obstacles really. But if the love is strong enough, it will get even stronger after each adversity. And hopefully, there will be an end to all the misfortunes and the love can be allowed to fully bloom into something joyful.” 

Rey studied him with both curiosity and amazement. He had never been very good with words before, that she knew, but that appeared to have changed at this very moment. 

“For someone who is so unfamiliar with love, you seem to know an awful lot about it.” 

“I might not have experienced much love in my life, but I have observed it and read about it.” 

Ben then sent her images of his parents, younger and acting very much in love. She gasped at them looking so youthful but closed her mouth again when she realized that even if they loved each other dearly, they weren’t quite ready to be parents. 

“I have never wanted to love someone else, or even allowed myself to. I have never wanted any emotion to take over in fear for it affecting my fighting abilities and the identity as the ruthless person I had taken. Then add all I went through with Snoke. Yet even if I had allowed myself to love, I am not sure I would’ve found anyone.” He moved his hand from her shoulder to her cheek, cupping her with his warm palm. “Until I met you.” 

Rey brought her own hand up to cover his and smiled through damp eyes. She then moved to sit cross-legged in front of him again, mimicking his own position on the bed with their knees touching and their hands still connected. 

“Ben, I have never had the chance to fall in love before. And even if I had, I would never have felt the way I feel for you.” 

Rey swallowed hard, licked her lips and took a deep breath to prepare herself for what she was about to say. 

“For the first time in my life I feel like I am actually living, not just surviving. You make me feel alive, Ben.” She lifted her free hand to dry her tears. “I have met people that can make me smile and make me laugh. But you, when I am with you and when we touch, I feel like my body and soul sing. Everything feels so right, I just needed to admit that to myself instead of trying to convince myself you were nothing but the enemy.” She grazed his scar from his forehead down his face and to his chest. ”I’m so sorry, Ben. So sorry for all the hurt I have caused you.” 

Ben clasped her hand even harder, his lower lip trembling and tears fell from his eyes. 

“Rey,” His voice was thick, like all of his emotions had gathered in his throat, waiting to leap out. “I forgive you, I forgive you for everything. We weren’t the people that we are now.” His chest was heaving now. “I know I have done horrible things, things that should never be forgiven. But I am still asking you, Rey. Can you forgive me too, even with the things I have on my conscience? Can you forgive a monster?” 

Rey eagerly shook her head up and down, relief washing over her. He was no monster any longer, not to her. 

“Yes, yes. I forgive you, and I love you. You are not a monster.” 

Ben kissed her then, his full lips colliding with hers with a force that almost made her fall backwards, before he embraced her and relaxed in her arms with a relieved sigh. 

“Thank you, thank you, thank you.” He repeated and she hugged him tighter, letting some of her mental strength seep over into his mind. 

Both Rey and Ben could feel strength and hope fill them as they still held on to each other. Even if the lovemaking had been great, this felt really good too. Now they had time to send and speak encouragements to make the other smile through the tears. They could feel their connection build with every touch, every breath and every word. 

“Come with me Ben, please. At least consider it.” Rey whispered, her voice hoarse from crying, into his shoulder before she kissed it. 

Ben decided then. He would follow Rey everywhere even if it meant confronting those who have been his enemies for so long, including his own mother.

“Okay.” 

Rey frowned but didn’t look up. “What?” 

“I am coming with you." 

This time Rey looked up from his shoulder and met his eyes. They spoke nothing but the truth, as usual, but she still needed to hear it again. 

“Are you...are you serious?” 

“Yes,” He nodded, reaffirming his words. “I am coming with you, and I can show how to destroy the First Order from the inside if you give me access to...” 

That was the last thing on Rey’s mind when she threw herself at him, laughing and sobbing alternately. 

“Oh Ben, you have no idea how happy this makes me.” She said once they had parted. Only a few hours she could never even have imagined it but now her wish had been granted. 

Ben smiled at her but behind the smile was a hint of worry. “I don’t expect it to go smoothly though. Most, if not all, members of the Resistance want me killed and it wouldn’t surprise me if people will make attempts to do it. Also, what do you think my mother will say?” 

“I think she will be shocked to see you at first, then angry, but in the end she will be happy to have you back with her. You two will have to talk a lot, but I will be there to try to help at any time.” 

Ben took in her words, nodded and lowered his face. There was no doubt he feared meeting Leia, he had killed his own father and the greatest love of her life after all. Rey sensed his uneasiness and took his hand between both of hers. 

“We will do this together, and I will talk to the others, trust me. We need to figure out how to arrive in the best way possible. There is still time for that though, we don’t have to go back for a couple of days.” 

Something mischievous appeared in Ben’s eyes, the change like night and day, and he leaned in and kissed her. He pulled at her lower lip before kissing his way along her chin. 

“Thank you, my angel.” He murmured as he showered her neck with open-mouthed kisses. 

“Hmm?” Rey was so absorbed in the feeling of his soft lips on her skin and his hair tickling her that she barely heard what he said. 

“They say that when my grandfather met my grandmother for the first time, he asked her if she was an angel because he thought she was so beautiful.” He retreated from her neck and came up to level with her face again. “You are an angel too, Rey. My angel. Both because you’re beautiful and because you saved me from going completely dark.” 

Rey’s small hands framed his face. “No, Ben. You saved yourself. _You_ made the decision to join me. _You_ made the decision to follow your heart. I was only helping a little.” 

Ben brought his hands to her hips and pulled her into his lap, making her straddle him. 

“Oh well, if you say so. Then I suppose you’re just beautiful to me.” 

He smirked and Rey felt heat burst in her chest, both because he looked so incredibly good and because seeing him smile made her so happy. 

“Thank you.” When she caught him staring at her intently she blushed, something she realized she would probably do a lot. “What?” 

“I don’t know how often women like to...you know...make love. But I really feel like it again.” 

Now it was Ben’s time to blush and Rey found it so adorable. She grinned until she glanced down and her eyes widened, he was by no doubt getting ready again. 

"Sure, why not? We better make the most of the time we have alone before we depart.” 

They both smiled knowingly before they kissed in a way that made both their hearts flutter with joy and desire. 

They made love again, slowly, laying on their sides facing each other. It was a bit difficult at first as Ben kept slipping out, but as soon as they both had gotten into a rhythm they could enjoy the intimacy of this new position to the fullest. 

Afterwards, Ben turned off the lights so only the dim light from outside lit up the shuttle. When he had gotten them both nutrition bars, some water and when they both were cleaned up, Rey laid her head against his chest and felt his breathing slow down. She looked up at his close-eyed face and smiled before taking a deep breath, closing her own eyes and snuggling against him before she slept soundly to the hum of their bond and dreams of a future together. 

The last thing Ben thought and felt before he drifted off to sleep was nothing but Rey; her scent, her body tangled up with his, her head on his chest. He had never felt more at peace, thanks to the angel whom he loved and who loved him back. The angel who he would defeat the First Order with once and for all. The angel who would maybe help him reunite with his mother. The angel he would do everything for. _His_ angel. 

_My angel._


End file.
